Czech Climbing

I had spent months preparing this visit with Jirka and Jana, indeed since I lived in that land of Tatranky, sausages, and female legs up to my chin. I’ll say that one more time. Legs up to my chin. There that’s better.

Anyways, Jirka was most excited about the bouldering in the area. When you really come to think of it, Josh is nothing more that a giant boulder field, with so much rock that there is a somewhat of a local competition to see who can climb the most routes. I have heard rumors that the guy with the largest tally is somewhere near 3,000 routes.

Beauty of Josh - near Hidden Campground
foto by© JirkaS

O.K. enough said about the quantity. It is suffice to say that you can wander all day long through this strangely forested desert picking choice lines on free standing, heart-wrenchingly tall boulders. Indeed, this is how the most classic lines were picked; back in the days before pads, some Californians stumbled about the park, stoned to the bejesus, and climbed ever so striking lines such as John Bachar’s Slashface, possibly the best line in the park at twenty some odd feet tall and brilliantly cut with diagonal edges.

Scull rock
foto by © JirkaS

So there is a list in my mind of Josh super classics. While these boulder problems rarely exceed 6C+ in grade, their movement and aesthetics make them some of the most interesting climbing I have ever done. Taken as a whole, the variety of styles present in the uberclassics creates a palate of movement against which anyone calling him/herself a rock master should test his/ her abilities.

Below enumerated are what I regard as the classic circuit:

Stem Gem, 5.11, or V3
if you are below the age of 25. This technical masterpiece has thwarted many a So Cal gym rat. Delicate stemming to a tenuous slab exit. One day I was at this problem and I met who I was later to learn was Timmy Fairfield. He stated the beauty of this problem more aptly than I can. “I’ve flashed V11 (8A), but it took me twelve tries to do Stem Gem.”

Stem Gem, V3
foto by© JirkaS

Saturday Night Live, V3/4.
A lively problem (as the name infers) boasting a wild all points off dyno- the antithesis of Stem Gem. Although quite powerful for the grade, there is subtle movement to the throw, more of a swing if executed correctly. Many a gym rat has thrown down the dyno only to botch the much easier mantle exit.

Saturday Night Live, V3/4
foto by© JirkaS

White Rastafarian, V3, orV1
if you are above 5’4” and not stoned. Follows a striking overhanging arête to a long move high off the ground. Don’t be afraid of the stone underneath, you won’t hit it if you don’t puss out. I did this problem years ago in top form- some friends and I did it on the way out to Hot Rocks, All three of us I a row- sans pad- first try, in front of some So Cal gym rats who were deathly afraid of it. Don’t be, it’s easy. Anyways, great rock, great moves, great position, high enough to get the blood pumping- conducive to doing laps.

White Rastafarian, V3
foto by© JirkaS

False Up Twenty, 5.9.
The most obvious line to be climbed at the JBMF boulders. For full value, do it in sneakers sans pad. Possibly the best problem of this grade in the park.

False Up Twenty, 5.9
foto by© Jana Lukášová

John Bachar Memorial Face Problem, V5.
Brilliant rock and body position intensive climbing- as the holds are never as good as you want them to be. Some of the best rock in the Park.

John Bachar Memorial Face Problem, V5
foto by© Jana Lukášová

Gunsmoke Traverse, 5.11 or V3.
The most popular bouldering hangout. 75 feet of rather repetitive motion if you ask me, but a test of endurance to leave any pure boulderer wishing that he had done some routes in the gym.

Street Car Named Desire, V6/7.
‘For mature climbers only,” says my good friend Drew. Unfortunately many inexperienced climbers have attempted the first two moves enough times that the most obvious feet are the ones that don’t work anymore. Škoda. Stem or run and jump your way up the scoop to slopers above.

Street Car Named Desire
foto by© Andrew Burgoon

Slash Face, 5.11 or V3.
THE line in the park, as far as boulders go. On your way out to getting your ass handed to you on Equinox, stop and check this one out. Beautiful, striated rock, delicate crimps give way to progressively larger holds. Do it.

Slash Face
foto by© Jana Lukášová

Pinched Loaf, V6.
I recently discovered this one coming back from Slashface. Superb Rock, perfect movement, everything is where it should be.

Pinched Loaf, V6
foto by© Jana Lukášová

Meadow Boulder Direct, V6/7.
Steep, powerful on good holds. Yes, I am still talking about J Tree. About as easy as this grade gets, but taken as part of a whole, it rounds out the climbing experience in Josh. Almost every other line on this boulder (save one non-existent Nicole problem) is fun as well, though not as classic.

Act of contrition, V1

Big classic problem big moves on your way to final section, which is not as hard as it look.

Act of contrition
foto by© Jana Lukašová

Pocket Full of Walnuts, 5.11 or V3.
So you’ve done the other classics, and you are pretty confident that you can climb any V3 in the park. Guess again. One night in camp I heard this drunk guy spewing the most absurd beta of some boulder problem. The absurdity of it peaked my interest. Later that night I sardonically remarked to my climbing partner that drunken beta was worse than stories told at the end of a fishing trip. I thought to myself that if he was right, then the joke was on me. The next day, intrigued by his nocturnal reproduction of climbing heroics, I collected up the offending party and headed for the boulder. He explained to me that he had a stomach ulcer, and that he was going to puke on top. He did. I hardly got two feet off the ground. The joke was clearly on me. Four years later I sent it with every kneebar/ hip scum/ chimney move I had learned in that period of time. This offwidth/ chimney/ hand crack will keep you grunting, blindly thruching for feet, and knowing you are climbing it wrong, unless you are truly a stone master of yore, in which case you can chimney the whole lot of it. A full pitch crammed into fifteen feet of climbing.

Joshua tree

Part Three: European Vacation

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